I took a long weekend off work to get my ducks in a row, but let me tell you: these ducks were wily.

Let me start by explaining my nearly-completed manuscript, Noble Charms. We’re on draft five and I’m so ready for its debut.

This story is an adult queer fantasy romcom inspired by When Harry Met Sally. The one line pitch: after a disastrous break-up with a duke leaves his reputation in ruins, an uptight elf allies with a womanizing human noble in order to save his career as a bard. It’s a Ghibli-esque gaslamp fantasy, and very gay, and very spicy.

If you’re interested, you can drop me a line (@charlieamenbooks on TT and IG) to let me know, because right now I’m navigating the waters of publication completely alone, and sometimes I lose the North Star that is a readership. I know that I cannot expect anyone to care yet. And I don’t. (Yet. More on this later.)

Back to this weekend, and those slippery ducks. With my long weekend, I wanted to get through a decent chunk of my edits, complete the cover for Noble Charms, and find myself a new car.

The car buying process did not go swimmingly. And it was partially (very partially) my fault, because I went into the dealership armed with a decent, but imperfect, amount of knowledge, and it threw the salesmen off their game. There were three salesmen, in fact, who tried to sell me on a very subpar deal. Look, car stuff is boring, and I’ll spare you the details except to say that I failed on this particular task. No car. I’m apparently driving my Jetta ‘til the wheels fall off. This experience was so unpleasant that it took me down for two entire days (ADHD friends know what I mean). That left me with just two functional days to get anything done.

*There’s some irony that this is the car I’m going to be “stuck” with for a very long time, considering it’s the least favorite I’ve ever owned. And that list includes a PT Cruiser. 💀*

But what about the rest? The stuff readers of this blog post would actually care about? Where’s Noble Charm’s at?

Well. I’m happy to say I have the cover done. Behold.

I’m slightly less happy to say the edits are…still pending. I’ve not edited anything of this length before and I’m doing it alone. I’ve read several books on editing and self-publishing and making a story the best it can be, so I think I can do it, but I also think it’s an undertaking that cannot be underestimated. Which makes it hard for me to even start.

This struggle is one of the many reasons I’d pursued traditional publishing to begin with. Not that I’m not capable—but this is my first time doing this, and I don’t want to be doing it alone. I’m not as motivated to do it alone. It’s a mostly-unpleasant chore all the way up until I actually sit down and start writing. Then it becomes fun. But that initial hurdle? Getting myself there, knowing it’s all just me? Is not easy. And it’s a hurdle I jump every single day.

When I was a freshman in college, I learned a hard and heartbreaking lesson about being alone. I’d arranged lunch with several friends and none showed. I waited for them for well past the hour we were supposed to meet, taking up a table, humiliation not yet as strong as my naive expectation that they would show up eventually.

I sat alone, with my now-cold food, next to a window, and I remember hiding my tears almost exactly the same way that kid did in Stranger Things. That was my first time ever eating alone out in the world, at 18, totally lost.

I now eat lunch alone almost every single day of my adult life. And it’s not some sad resignation of fate. I love it. I read, I write, I enjoy the peace and the quiet and the pace that I can set for myself. (I could eat lunch with friends if I wanted, and sometimes I do, but I love the solace now. No, really. I’m not coping! It’s true!)

You can most likely see where I’m going with this. Right now, I’m overwhelmed and afraid and unused to this process of self-publishing. Of self-editing.

But there’s another kid I think of in times like this, and you’ll have to stay with me, because this is a deep cut. Anyone else seen Dark Crystal?

Jen, the protagonist, steps out of his village after he’s been tasked with a quest. And he sees the long path he must take, and says, “I’m not ready to go alone.” He looks out onto the world; onto the swaying grasses and dark trees and bright sky. And though only a single moment has passed, and none answered him, he says, “Alright. Alone, then.”

That’s me. Alone, then!

Let me circle back to what I said before. I don’t expect anyone to care about this project, because I’m a new and untested writer. (Outside of AO3, anyway. But I think even my fanfic readers could—maybe should—have a healthy amount of hesitation about buying original work.)

That’s why I’m not doing preorders or ARCs.* And I’m not announcing a launch date. I thought about it. About making a splashy video and social post announcing the launch of my debut novel! Exciting! Cool!

*The one bookish event I’ve done where I sold seven (7) books. 😅*

But no one knows who I am, so even if they do happen across my various posts after they’ve been thrown to the massive stormy sea that is The Internet, they aren’t motivated to spend money on me. So why put myself in a position to do more work? It’s not necessary. I’m saving myself the trouble. It’ll launch when it launches. (But if you happen to be one of the few people actually invested, I’ll let you know: it’s most likely going to be September 1st.) And after that launch, I’ll start promoting it in earnest. That’s the time for splashy videos and social posts and, I dunno, spending money on ad space?

And speaking of money—sorry, this is a long one, huh?—I’m going to enroll Hawk & March into KU. H&M has been my personal experiment to test how self-publishing works, to learn the Amazon platform, and to get a feel for what’s going on online with the “mm romance” world. (There’s a push to end this as a genre title, btw. I lowkey agree with this take, but I do have apprehension about readers finding my stories easily…)

I’ve not experimented with KU. I think during the first week of July, I’ll enroll H&M, and see how the process fares. That’ll give me a little bit more of an understanding for the debut of Noble Charms. That does mean the free version of Hawk & March will be coming offline, so if you’ve been waiting to read, go check it out!

What’s left to say? I hope your summer solstice was lovely. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being here! ily. More soon.

*If you’d like to read an early version of Noble Charms, I’m happy to take on more beta readers. Join my Discord for more info.

Alright. Alone, then.

A New Goalpost